Positive reminiscence or looking back with positive regard on our lives is a powerful piece of happiness. We can choose to remember all the things that happen in our lives that didn't go well or right, where we were wronged, or how painful something was. Or amidst the not so wonderful memories, we can find the beauty and positive pieces to sooth our souls . Our peace and happiness can be improved if we choose to find the beauty, the thing we learned, or the moment that might not have happened had things turned out differently. I had the awesome privilege of being with, learning from, and hearing Dr. Edie Eger, a holocaust survivor and psychologist speak this spring. What a beautiful soul! Her stories of her early years are a testament to that power. More than that, her genuine love for other human beings shines through when she takes your hands and listens intently to your words with kindness. She appreciates life, people, and all the moments she has on this earth.

In coaching people, I've observed that clients think that everyone else has THE perfect life. What I know for sure, is that everyone has "stuff" going on behind the scenes. We are all dealing with the ups and downs of life and no one is immune to disappointment, stress, or heartache. The impact on our overall happiness is how we decide to view and reflect on the things that life throws our way that are not so perfect. We have all seen people live under circumstances that are less than perfect, yet they are happy and thrive in spite of them. Positive emotions help us be more resilient and bounce back.

My summer has been a whirlwind with highs and lows, but in the spirit of positive reminiscence, I will share some of the high points!

My youngest graduated from Savannah College of Art and Design's film school and premiered his senior film here in the Raleigh area on the big screen. Watching him with others, both at the premiere and the wedding that followed a few days later, sharing his work, has been one of the greatest blessings of the summer. I would even go so far to put it in the category of blessings in "my life" so far.

My oldest was married here at our home and we gained a beautiful daughter-in-law or daughter-in-love as one of my friends likes to say! Watching the tender love in their eyes for each other, particularly during a "hands" part of the ceremony, blessing and honoring what they represent, was incredibly comforting, moving, and spiritual. Oh, what a reminder of the love we share with our hands (here's a link to an example-not theirs, but very similar: hands ceremony ). Oh, happy days! :-) It was so wonderful to see family and friends all together in one place, many who traveled afar to be a part of this beautiful event.

Having a rehearsal dinner and reception, hosting many out of town guests, and having the wedding at our home involved much more than this one person could handle. I am so grateful for special friends and family who supported me both before and after! It was a special time.

Hosting a group of survivors for the filming of a special public service announcement regarding early detection for breast cancer, was a thrill. More to come on that one! I loved meeting and getting to know each one of them.

Meeting and working with a special photographer for my book cover, filled my heart with appreciation and gratitude. He is a special man. I will post more on that later, as well.

Saying goodbye to a beloved doctor who is moving to be the head of the breast program at Wisconsin, is sad, but will bring opportunity to make lives better for many more.
We will miss you, Lee Wilke!

Graduation

Rehearsal dinner and reception

Wedding bells


The public service announcement... and special survivors.

Gifts from friends on two occasions to experience the peaceful beauty of the beach...

This past weekend I was able to spend a few hours with both my boys and husband on Mother's Day, in the beautiful city of Savannah, GA. Given that last year I did not have them with me on Mother's Day, it was a wonderfully, special gift. When I am with them, my heart sings.
(If you haven't been to Savannah, Georgia in the spring, you must put it on your bucket list! It is a beautiful city filled with art, architecture, and natural beauty... especially beautiful when the azaleas are in bloom.)
We found a spot in gorgeous Forsyth Park to enjoy our picnic lunch. The beautiful moss draped trees provided canopies of shade under the warm sun as we spent time laughing and catching up as a family. Short as the time was, it couldn't have been more perfect.
When they were young, I would often say I wanted them to stop growing because it was happening so fast. Being with them yesterday, I felt that feeling again. It's an exciting time of transition, with one getting ready to start a new life as a married man and the youngest graduating from college ready to start his professional career. I'm proud of who they are and what they are doing in their lives. I JUST want time to stand still for just a bit... and savor this phase of motherhood a little longer.
The only thing certain in life, is change. Life changes and though we can't make time stand still, we can enjoy the moment, savoring its beauty. We can then look back on these moments and savor the memory to bring joy in the present. I will savor this one for years to come!

Coaching tip: Build a folder of memories (either virtually on the computer or print them out in a folder) that will make you smile when you are feeling the need for a positive emotion!

This past week I attended the first Coaching and Positive Psychology conference at Harvard, born through an initiative co-founded by the CEO of Wellcoaches®, Margaret Moore, of the same name (http://www.harvardcppi.org/). Here is a picture of the Wellcoaches® faculty that was in attendance. It was a sell-out conference and one that will have lasting impact for those who attended.

From l-r: Erika Jackson, Kate Larsen, Margaret Moore, Gabe Highstein, Me, Jessica Wolfson, Bob Tschannen-Moran

I have been involved with Wellcoaches® since 2002, and am so proud of the evolution we have taken, to gather scientific data about what we know works through this initiative! My pilot study with cancer survivors this last year was just the beginning of gathering important information about the outcomes and benefits of wellness coaching.

One of the most compelling presentations at the conference was by Ben and Rosamund Zander, conductor of the Boston Philharmonic and co-authors of The Art of Possibility.

They had an incredibly gifted quartet helping them with their presentation, demonstrating the art of possibility. One significant piece of the presentation was the idea that there were always two people playing the violin. The second person is the critical voice in our heads that can drown out the music. The voice in our head is always there. We have stories we tell ourselves that impact our performance and our interactions with all of those we touch. What we can do is change the voice and create a new story that breaks the old one.


An inspirational exercise in starting this journey , is to write a letter about this person (new story) you are wanting to live into. Instead of the letter being a goal-setting type of letter, it’s a letter describing and falling in love with the person you are becoming (the one you want to be).

What’s your new story? Fall in love with the person you describe in your letter!

I plan to write more about my take-aways from the conference, so stay tuned!

Since starting my “active” blog recently (before then, it was active every 18 months :-) ), I found that people coming to my web site go to read my blog page, 10 to 1. Amazing. The other interesting fact, was that it also appears, the majority seem to be interested in the title, “Appreciation of Beauty/Excellence” as far as subjects. It is one of the Authentic Happiness Character Strengths (see Happiness and Positive Emotion), that I have listed as a major category to write about. Unfortunately, I have only one post there, so far, and it is only a picture with a title.

It is a picture of one of our longhorn cows and her newborn baby. It was a beautiful morning back in June, when this miracle occurred, and I’m certain the full extent of the beauty was lost in translation. There have been many more moments of beauty between then and now, but I have included them in other blog postings (LIVESTRONG, Utlizing Multiple Strengths).

In honor and memory of a special trip my family took last year at this time, I want to share the appreciation I have for the beauty of not only Hawaii, but the beauty of family. I am grateful my father chose to bring us all together in Hawaii and share this picture perfect place. We will always treasure it.

What memories bring thoughts of gratitude, appreciation of beauty, and happiness to your life? They don’t have to be big events. Most are in the little moments we find along life’s journey!

Ideas for action:

Take a moment to pull out a photo album or two and enjoy the memories.
Print out or take out some of the pictures and put them where you can enjoy them for a few days.
Call or write (sharing the photo?) some of the people involved in the pictures that spark the good memory and express your gratitude for them.
Go to www.AuthenticHappiness.com to find what your VIA Signature/Character Strengths are, and start using them in a new way every day!

One of our new babies...